Video Game Review: Fire Pro Wrestling Returns (PS2)

Wrestling Game of the Year!

By Chris Sabga

Over the Christmas holiday, I was forced to part ways with my trusty video game systems for a few weeks. Normally this wouldn't be a problem. I love games, but I can generally live without them for a little while.

Then came Fire Pro Wrestling Returns for the PS2.

I can say, without exaggeration, that it's the best wrestling game I've ever played.





I'm no virgin to Fire Pro. My first foray into the series came several years ago when I imported Fire Pro Wrestling S: Six-Men Scramble for the Sega Saturn. As Bogey said in Casablanca, it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

From there, I dabbled with various games in the series, including its North American debut on the Game Boy Advance. Finally, Fire Pro was in a language I could understand!

Now, at long last, Fire Pro has been given an English-language release on a console system. It took only 18 years. (Fire Pro Wrestling Combination Tag - the first game in the series - was released in Japan for the PC Engine in 1989.)

When I first heard the news that Fire Pro Returns was coming to North America, I didn't know whether to believe it. Until the day it was released, I feared it was nothing more than an overblown rumor or - worse yet - that it would be subject to a last-minute cancellation. Luckily, my concerns were for naught.

Still, I didn't breathe a sigh of relief until I actually had the game in my hands. Well, thankfully, it's here and it's good - damn good.

Here's what you won't get with Fire Pro Wrestling Returns: fancy 3D graphics, today's hottest WWE stars, or American match-types such as Hell in the Cell or TLC.

What you will get, though, is the best wrestling game in the world today.

Even though Fire Pro doesn't feature your favorite stipulations from the WWE or TNA, there is still tons of variety - singles, tags, cage, battle royal, exploding barbed wire, and more. My favorite is the UFC-style match. The cage for that one isn't shaped exactly like an Octagon, presumably for legal reasons, but it's close enough to give you the same overall effect.

Fire Pro also includes one of the deepest create-a-wrestler (CAW) modes ever and even the ability to customize your own belts, ring, logo, and referee. If there's someone you want to create - whether it's yourself, Hulk Hogan, or Spider-Man - this game makes it possible. Yes, it's that versatile. Even better, the robust AI-tweaking allowed in the game means you can control exactly how your wrestler acts and reacts in the ring. But the absolute best part: you have 500 CAW slots, so you can go ballistic and create your entire family tree (ancestors included) if you wish. I'll stick with Stone Cold and the Big Boss Man myself.

Hundreds of wrestlers available from the outset, and yes, they are all based on real people. The names have been changed and most of them wrestle outside the U.S., but they're the genuine article (and can be renamed to reflect their actual identities). Anyone that isn't there can be created perfectly with the CAW mode or imported with a device such as an Action Replay Max Evo (sold separately, obviously) and a free account on fireproclub.com (they have just about any wrestler you can think of, plus comic book and video game characters).





To get anywhere in Fire Pro, you have to master the timing of its grappling system. It's tricky but doable. One good piece of advice is to lower the difficulty level until you get it down pat. Needless to say, the gameplay found in Fire Pro is nothing like what you may be used to from the Smackdown series. It may take a newcomer time to adjust, but the rewards that come with doing so are rich and deep indeed.

All of this gushing aside, there are a few nitpicks to be had:

The collision detection outside of grapples can be a bit spotty, making it hard to connect with a punch or kick, for example.

After you hit a major move from your arsenal, your opponent will occasionally get up before you. Unless you're fighting your Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior CAWs, that's not always the best thing.

The logo creator is a daunting beast. Don't expect to be able to conquer it out of the box. I'm still afraid to get my hands dirty with it. Luckily, there are several FAQs on the subject and some of the results have been astonishing (perfect WWF, WWE, WCW, nWo, and Royal Rumble logos - among others - have already been made by Fire Pro fans and can be downloaded into your game with an Action Replay or some other such device).

Finally, the menu system is terrible - even worse than the mainstream reviews have made it out to be, if that's possible. Still, it's worth the effort because everything else is so absolutely amazing.

When 1up.com gave Fire Pro Wrestling Returns a "10" rating, people moaned and groaned. "The game isn't PERFECT," they whined like emo stepchildren being weaned off their mother's tit. One of the biggest misconceptions is that a score of "10" implies absolute perfection. It doesn't and never has. A "10" represents excellence, one of the best in its class. Fire Pro is exactly that.

You owe it to yourself to experience this hidden gem. It doesn't matter if you're a wrestling fan. Just being a gamer is enough. Fire Pro Wrestling Returns would be a bargain at $50. For $15-$20, it becomes a requirement for anyone with a PS2.

Batista and Lance Bass:Two Sides of the Same Coin

Book Reviews of "Batista Unleashed" and "Out of Sync"

By Chris Sabga

Upon first glance, no one in their right mind would think to compare gay boy band star Lance Bass with hulking WWE behemoth Batista. However, after reading their books (Out of Sync and Batista Unleashed, respectively), I realize that both men share many similarities - as hard as that may be to believe initially.



They both plunged into their chosen careers impulsively and became "overnight successes." Bass was a young teenager. Batista was an adult looking for direction. Yet, despite their differences in age, they were both rookies and outsiders in their newfound professions.

Bass, of course, became a musician with the boy band N'Sync. Batista, on the other hand, went on to win several WWE World Championships. They ascended to the pinnacle of their respective fields.

On the surface, both men couldn't be more different - but they're really two sides of the same coin.

The first time I saw Lance Bass wasn't at an N'Sync concert (come on!) - it was as Lucy's love-crazed fling on the TV show 7th Heaven. Bass's character spent the whole show feverishly kissing his new gal pal. Needless to say, he fooled me into thinking he wasn't gay. I was probably the only one surprised when he eventually did come out of the closet several years later.

Out of Sync never mentions that TV episode, but it does indirectly explain how Bass was able to get away with such a convincing performance. For years, he felt he had to hide his homosexuality. He decided coming out would ruin the band.

How does that little tidbit possibly relate to a 300-pound monster like Batista? Well, it's no secret that wrestlers are both athletes and actors. While Batista certainly won't ever be confused with Robert DeNiro (even though he did do a decent DeNiro impression before WrestleMania 21), the WWE superstar had to transform himself from a shy, soft-spoken man of few words into the loud, aggressive, ass-kicking "Animal" of the ring.

Bass and Batista struggled to gain acceptance from fans and their peers as they adjusted to the whirlwind demands of the spotlight. Wrestlers are often mocked by athletes in "real" sports despite the hard physical demands that come with being in the ring. Bass's involvement in a boy band likely led to similar derision from "legitimate" musicians, even though he worked just as hard to entertain his fans and further his craft.

Even though Bass's memoir clocks in at a thin 208 pages, it's an exhausting read that feverishly captures the never-ending "go, go, go" cycle of life on the road. Batista, perhaps because he is older and has more life experience (and was given a larger page count), takes more time to reflect on his accomplishments. He includes several amusing anecdotes from his short career. One section in particular - "Bubba Dudley is an asshole" - is especially humorous in its causticity.

If you're looking for dirt, Bass is a choir boy compared to Batista - but they're both honest about their fellow co-workers. In addition to the aforementioned Bubba Ray Dudley, Batista also reveals details about his affair with WWE diva Melina and sheds light on his real-life fistfight with fellow wrestler Booker T. Bass, meanwhile, talks about his problems with managers and fellow bandmate Justin Timberlake. Ultimately, both the wrestler and boy bander keep their stories reasonably tame despite being involved in "rock star" industries.

The two men also write about their family lives. Bass mentions how his parents and siblings reacted to the news that he was gay. Batista openly discusses his lesbian mother, troubles with his daughter, and becoming a grandfather at a very young age.

If a wrestler and a gay boy band member ran into each other at a bar, the uninformed stereotype would be for the brutish wrestler to beat up the homosexual musician. In this case, Batista would probably shake Lance Bass's hand and buy him a drink.

Hello to Adam Lee

Yo!

Movie Review: The Nanny Diaries

You're Better Off Keeping These Diaries Locked

By Chris Sabga

While I certainly didn't hate The Nanny Diaries, I wouldn't go out of my way to recommend it to anyone either.

Scarlett Johansson is probably the only truly likeable character, and she does well with what she's given, but I still can't help but think that Anne Hathaway would've been better suited for this role. If you're a fan of Scarlett's beauty, find another movie. She has purposely been made to look VERY dumpy here - because, I suppose, it isn't realistic for a working class nanny to look like a runway model.

Laura Linney probably delivers the best performance overall (no surprise there), but you will want to strangle her for 95 percent of the movie. It's hard to say whether Linney overdoes it, because she does play the character faithfully to the book version.

Chris Evans (of Fantastic 4 fame) does his best with what he has, but even he comes across as a snobby, impatient prick at time. Those moments derail what should have been the warmest character in the movie.

Alica Keys just needs to disappear. This character wasn't in the book, and she adds nothing to the movie. I'm not sure whether it's the character or the actor (or both), but I just wanted to slap her silly any time she appeared. Scarlett's character had no plausible reason to remain friends with someone this shallow and bitchy.

Donna Murphy, as Nanny's mother, is also very flat. Aside from one scene, there's almost nothing here that would make you like her. In fact, that's the problem with the majority of this movie. Until the end, all of the characters are extremely one-dimensional and one-note.

And then there's Paul Giamatti. If you're waiting for me to heap praise on him, keep waiting. He's undoubtedly a great actor, but he's badly miscast in this movie. Sure, he pulls off being a creep without any redeeming value - but as a ladies' man and lady killer, I can't think of a more implausible choice. There is no reason Laura Linney - or any other woman in the movie - would be so madly in love with this guy. Giamatti pulled off the romantic leading man (sort of) in Sideways - but it just doesn't work here.

The Nanny Diaries isn't a total train-wreck - there are some fun and endearing aspects - but it's a mixed bag overall.

Rating: Two Stars (out of Four Stars)

Movie Review: 1408

Enter if you Dare

By Chris Sabga

Originally published on The Pulp Collective

What if you experienced a personal tragedy that left you with no beliefs to cling to?

What if you so desperately needed to experience a paranormal phenomenon - just to see for yourself that there is indeed something more out there?

That's exactly where writer Mike Enslin (John Cusack) finds himself after a heartbreaking occurrence sends his own life and career into a downward spiral of drunken despair. Choked by an unnatural obsession with the afterlife, Enslin has abandoned his serious literary pursuits in favor of writing banal travel books about "haunted" tourist attractions.

But one day, Mike Enslin receives a postcard warning him not to stay in Room 1408 of New York's Dolphin Hotel. Of course, he simply cannot resist. After all, this may be the answer to the prayers he thought no higher being was around to hear.

After repeated warnings from the hotel's manager (Samuel L. Jackson), Enslin finally gets the room - and an 800 dollar bottle of scotch.

Then, all hell - as they say - breaks loose...

That's the basic setup for 1408, and it's quite the eerie ride. "Stay Scared" is a motto Enslin often repeats to his readers, and this movie certainly does its best to ensure the same reaction from viewers.

John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson are both promoted as the stars of the film, but don't be fooled by the double billing. Cusack is most definitely the main character. Samuel L. Jackson actually only has a small (but nonetheless very effective) part. Catherine McCormack also appears in a minor role, and Tony Shalhoub (from Monk) shows up in what turns out to be a glorified cameo at best.

In fact, there are many scenes where Cusack is essentially acting by himself. He's a true marvel to watch at work. As a result, the hotel room ends up becoming a "character" in its own right.

1408 reminded me of a mix between Silent Hill (both the movie and the games) and Dark Water (that lame Jennifer Connelly horror flick), but this is thankfully much better than either of those.

This film adaptation of Stephen King's short story (from Everything's Eventual) is nothing short of weird. If you like your horror with a little more intelligence and bite to it, don't be afraid to take the room key and unlock the mysteries of 1408.

Rating: Three Stars (out of Four Stars)

Movie Review: Find Me Guilty

Actor Vin Diesel and Director Sidney Lumet Team Up

By Chris Sabga

Originally published on The Pulp Collective

Vin Diesel has hair.

Vin Diesel has a potbelly.

Vin Diesel can act.

Those three statements generally aren't made about the usually bald and always physically toned action star - but they all apply to Diesel in Sidney Lumet's mafia courtroom "dramedy" Find Me Guilty, which is based on the true story of the longest criminal trial in U.S. history.


Much of the dialogue was taken from actual testimony. There are some situations and exchanges in the movie that would be considered unbelievable and absurd in a fictional narrative, but they actually happened in the real trial.

Diesel plays a Mafia wiseguy, Jackie DiNorscio, who defends himself in court instead of relying on a lawyer. The judge warns him that a man who represents himself "has a fool for a client." Shortly thereafter, Vin approaches the jury and says "I'm no gangster, I'm a gagster." He proves the latter part of his statement with his hilarious, offbeat antics throughout the trial. It becomes a common occurrence for the judge to pound his gavel several times in frustration, yell for order in the court, and repeatedly threaten to hold Diesel "in contempt of court."

Joe Pesci was apparently Lumet's first choice, so you can pretty much figure out the type of character to expect. I'm glad Diesel ended up doing it though. If Pesci had gotten the role, it would've been just more of him playing the same character he always does (which is a treat, granted). Diesel is cast so against type, and he pulls it off beautifully. It's much more fun and rewarding to watch him at work.

While there are definitely dramatic elements to the film, there's also a fair bit of comedy as well (hence the reason I referred to it as a "dramedy" earlier). The trial turns into a bit of a circus, with tons of lawyers present in the courtroom at the same time, an army of witnesses, evidence numbering in the hundreds, Diesel's "gagster" antics, and other assorted bits of tomfoolery.

Peter Dinklage is also a revelation. He's a dwarf in real life, but that's never once played for laughs. In fact, his character - a lawyer - might be the most serious in the movie. And it works. It works because Dinklage brings a professionalism and intensity to the role that makes his stature completely irrelevant.

Ron Silver is also fantastic as the judge. I've only seen him in smarmy villain roles, and his persona was always unlikable and grating to me. Not here. He tones it down and plays the judge with a great degree of empathy for the characters and situations.

Annabella Sciorra also shines in a small role as Vin Diesel's spunky wife.

As for Diesel himself, this is easily the best performance of his career - and believe it or not, it's right up there with any of Pesci's finest.

Lumet hasn't lost his touch. (He is, of course, famous for another courtroom classic, 12 Angry Men - as well as Dog Day Afternoon, Serpico, and others.)

This is a great movie. It's funny, touching, and highly recommended.

Rating: Three and a Half Stars (out of Four Stars)